aegeus: (Sai - O_O)
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Dissertations done and handed in. Exams next week. Moving on to the OMFG.

I was looking around my old old external harddrive to find some Kyou Kara Maou (no, I don't know why) and found a bunch my old High School work. Including a script for an English project done with [livejournal.com profile] reservoir and others. We had to perform a modern adaptation of a scene from Macbeth, and we decided to tape ours and edit it to make it all shiny. Our modern adaptation was in the style of, uh, Valley Girls. So, Seana has said I should post it, because for all of its cracky 11th grade immaturity it is still very funny in a satire of badfic kind of way.

This is now 5 years old, unedited from that time, a lot of the humor may only make sense if you know the people involved, and it was always meant to be (awesomely) bad. So, with that in mind, I give you our 11th grade English project (Oh god ...):

Macbeth, William Shakespeare, Act IV, Scene i
Modern Adaptation: Valley Girls


Cast:

Jane (first witch) – Kerry ([livejournal.com profile] chibikaijuu)
Tracie (second witch) – Seana ([livejournal.com profile] reservoir)
Stacie (third witch) – Kat ([livejournal.com profile] white_howler)
Heci (Hecate) – Lowell ([livejournal.com profile] aegeus)
Mac (Macbeth) – Lowell

---------------------------------

EXT. A SEMI-WOODED AREA – DAY

A cauldron sits in the middle of the scene, JANE comes into the scene carrying her familiar, a CAT, and a bag.

CAT
Mew, mew, mew.


TRACIE enters with her familiar, a HEDGEHOG, who nips at her nail, and a few grocery bags.

TRACIE
Unh! Stupid animal! I broke a nail …




STACIE enters with her familiar, a CROW, and a bucket of assorted items.

CROW
Caw! Caw!


Jane starts to flounce around the cauldron, and pulls a dead frog out of her bag while Tracie and Stacie look on.

JANE
Come on, let’s like dance around the
cauldron and I’ll throw in this icky frog I found
on the side of the road … ew …


Jane’s face takes on a look of disgust as she holds the frog at arms length and throws it into the cauldron. Stacie and Tracie join her around the cauldron.

STACIE, TRACIE and JANE
Double, double toil and trouble;
fire burn …


Stacie burns her finger on the cauldron.

STACIE
Oooow!


She regains her comopsure.

STACIE, TRACIE and JANE
… and cauldron bubble.


Tracie pulls a fillet of sole out of one of her grocery bags, and steps towards the cauldron.

TRACIE
I, like, couldn’t find fillet of fenny
snake at the grocery store, so here’s,
like, some fillet of sole …

STACIE
Leather?

TRACIE and JANE
Shut up.


Tracie throws the fillet in the cauldron, and then pulls some more things out of her bags. She throws these in, getting increasingly disgusted with each that she throws in.

TRACIE
And then, like, the eye of newt …
and the toe of … frog …
and a bunch of other icky stuff … ew.


Jane and Stacie step up to join Tracie at the cauldron.

STACIE, TRACIE and JANE
Double, double toil and trouble;
fire burn and cauldron bubble.


Jane and Tracie step back while Stacie picks up her bucket and starts to put things from it into the cauldron.

STACIE
Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf …
this is starting to sound like a Chinese
place … liver of blaspheming jew …


Stacie and Tracie look accusingly at Jane, who pulls an innocent face. Then Stacie dumps the rest of the bucket into the cauldron.

STACIE
And whatever else is in this bucket.


Tracie and Jane again join Stacie at the cauldron.

STACIE, TRACIE and JANE
Double, double toil and trouble;
fire burn and cauldron bubble.

TRACIE
This is getting, like, repetitive and is
taking way too long …


An easy-bake oven-esque BING.

TRACIE
… oh … it’s done!


HECI walks in wearing a bathrobe, fuzzy slippers, and a towel on her head. She is buffing her nails.

JANE
Aren’t you like, supposed to come in
with, like, a puff of smoke?

HECI
The smoke machine is broken and I
don't know how to fix it. That’s
what guys are for, duuuh!
(pause)
Well, Stacie, Tracie and … Jane …
you’ve all done a good job.
Now we dance around the cauldron
like elves … like Legolas … mmm …


Some grunge rock comes on from nowhere.

HECI
Um, like … no. Who’s picking the
music out these days? Ergh.


The Sign comes on and the witches plus Heci start to dance around the cauldron merrily. Heci dances out of the scene. Stacie knocks into Tracie, almost knocking Tracie down. Tracie stands up and looks daggers at Stacie, Jane looks daggers at both of them. Hit Me Baby One More Time comes on, we hear the lyric (Hit me …) and Tracie slaps Stacie. Jane then slaps Tracie. A fight insues, and MAC walks into the scene.

MAC
Like, dudettes, what are you doing?


The witches stop in mid-fight and look up at Mac.

TRACIE
Aerobics?

STACIE
Mulching?

JANE
(totally blank look)

MAC
Woah … dude … it’s like …
aerobic mulching! Dude! …
So, yeah, like I just came because
you dudettes are like so cool and
like my heroes and yeah. Dude.
Can I like, ask you something?


The witches scramble to their feet.

TRACIE
Of course.

STACIE
For shure!

JANE
Like, yeah … but maybe …
you want to hear your answer from
like, the higher powers that control us?


Mac looks confused for a moment … then appears to understand.

MAC
Uh … yeah, dude, that’d be cool.
Bring on the apparitions.


BLACK OUT

-------------------------

The finished product was even crackier due to someone's playing way too much with some of Final Cut Pro's sillier settings. The fight scene especially got drawn out and I believe ended up not having Britney Spears but Heart's Barracuda played over it. I also don't think this is the final version of the script, as I remember some other jokes in the final product, though those might have been improvised on the day. There was also an easter egg thing with [livejournal.com profile] reservoir dying of a SlimFast and cough syrup overdose that came after the credits.

We ended up getting a 100% even though almost none of classmates got the jokes. Our teacher did and that's all that matters.
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January 2010

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