aegeus: (Sai - O_O)
[personal profile] aegeus
Dissertations done and handed in. Exams next week. Moving on to the OMFG.

I was looking around my old old external harddrive to find some Kyou Kara Maou (no, I don't know why) and found a bunch my old High School work. Including a script for an English project done with [livejournal.com profile] reservoir and others. We had to perform a modern adaptation of a scene from Macbeth, and we decided to tape ours and edit it to make it all shiny. Our modern adaptation was in the style of, uh, Valley Girls. So, Seana has said I should post it, because for all of its cracky 11th grade immaturity it is still very funny in a satire of badfic kind of way.

This is now 5 years old, unedited from that time, a lot of the humor may only make sense if you know the people involved, and it was always meant to be (awesomely) bad. So, with that in mind, I give you our 11th grade English project (Oh god ...):

Macbeth, William Shakespeare, Act IV, Scene i
Modern Adaptation: Valley Girls


Cast:

Jane (first witch) – Kerry ([livejournal.com profile] chibikaijuu)
Tracie (second witch) – Seana ([livejournal.com profile] reservoir)
Stacie (third witch) – Kat ([livejournal.com profile] white_howler)
Heci (Hecate) – Lowell ([livejournal.com profile] aegeus)
Mac (Macbeth) – Lowell

---------------------------------

EXT. A SEMI-WOODED AREA – DAY

A cauldron sits in the middle of the scene, JANE comes into the scene carrying her familiar, a CAT, and a bag.

CAT
Mew, mew, mew.


TRACIE enters with her familiar, a HEDGEHOG, who nips at her nail, and a few grocery bags.

TRACIE
Unh! Stupid animal! I broke a nail …




STACIE enters with her familiar, a CROW, and a bucket of assorted items.

CROW
Caw! Caw!


Jane starts to flounce around the cauldron, and pulls a dead frog out of her bag while Tracie and Stacie look on.

JANE
Come on, let’s like dance around the
cauldron and I’ll throw in this icky frog I found
on the side of the road … ew …


Jane’s face takes on a look of disgust as she holds the frog at arms length and throws it into the cauldron. Stacie and Tracie join her around the cauldron.

STACIE, TRACIE and JANE
Double, double toil and trouble;
fire burn …


Stacie burns her finger on the cauldron.

STACIE
Oooow!


She regains her comopsure.

STACIE, TRACIE and JANE
… and cauldron bubble.


Tracie pulls a fillet of sole out of one of her grocery bags, and steps towards the cauldron.

TRACIE
I, like, couldn’t find fillet of fenny
snake at the grocery store, so here’s,
like, some fillet of sole …

STACIE
Leather?

TRACIE and JANE
Shut up.


Tracie throws the fillet in the cauldron, and then pulls some more things out of her bags. She throws these in, getting increasingly disgusted with each that she throws in.

TRACIE
And then, like, the eye of newt …
and the toe of … frog …
and a bunch of other icky stuff … ew.


Jane and Stacie step up to join Tracie at the cauldron.

STACIE, TRACIE and JANE
Double, double toil and trouble;
fire burn and cauldron bubble.


Jane and Tracie step back while Stacie picks up her bucket and starts to put things from it into the cauldron.

STACIE
Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf …
this is starting to sound like a Chinese
place … liver of blaspheming jew …


Stacie and Tracie look accusingly at Jane, who pulls an innocent face. Then Stacie dumps the rest of the bucket into the cauldron.

STACIE
And whatever else is in this bucket.


Tracie and Jane again join Stacie at the cauldron.

STACIE, TRACIE and JANE
Double, double toil and trouble;
fire burn and cauldron bubble.

TRACIE
This is getting, like, repetitive and is
taking way too long …


An easy-bake oven-esque BING.

TRACIE
… oh … it’s done!


HECI walks in wearing a bathrobe, fuzzy slippers, and a towel on her head. She is buffing her nails.

JANE
Aren’t you like, supposed to come in
with, like, a puff of smoke?

HECI
The smoke machine is broken and I
don't know how to fix it. That’s
what guys are for, duuuh!
(pause)
Well, Stacie, Tracie and … Jane …
you’ve all done a good job.
Now we dance around the cauldron
like elves … like Legolas … mmm …


Some grunge rock comes on from nowhere.

HECI
Um, like … no. Who’s picking the
music out these days? Ergh.


The Sign comes on and the witches plus Heci start to dance around the cauldron merrily. Heci dances out of the scene. Stacie knocks into Tracie, almost knocking Tracie down. Tracie stands up and looks daggers at Stacie, Jane looks daggers at both of them. Hit Me Baby One More Time comes on, we hear the lyric (Hit me …) and Tracie slaps Stacie. Jane then slaps Tracie. A fight insues, and MAC walks into the scene.

MAC
Like, dudettes, what are you doing?


The witches stop in mid-fight and look up at Mac.

TRACIE
Aerobics?

STACIE
Mulching?

JANE
(totally blank look)

MAC
Woah … dude … it’s like …
aerobic mulching! Dude! …
So, yeah, like I just came because
you dudettes are like so cool and
like my heroes and yeah. Dude.
Can I like, ask you something?


The witches scramble to their feet.

TRACIE
Of course.

STACIE
For shure!

JANE
Like, yeah … but maybe …
you want to hear your answer from
like, the higher powers that control us?


Mac looks confused for a moment … then appears to understand.

MAC
Uh … yeah, dude, that’d be cool.
Bring on the apparitions.


BLACK OUT

-------------------------

The finished product was even crackier due to someone's playing way too much with some of Final Cut Pro's sillier settings. The fight scene especially got drawn out and I believe ended up not having Britney Spears but Heart's Barracuda played over it. I also don't think this is the final version of the script, as I remember some other jokes in the final product, though those might have been improvised on the day. There was also an easter egg thing with [livejournal.com profile] reservoir dying of a SlimFast and cough syrup overdose that came after the credits.

We ended up getting a 100% even though almost none of classmates got the jokes. Our teacher did and that's all that matters.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 03:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ayashi.livejournal.com
Oh dude XD in 10th grade my honors english class had an assignment to do a new version of a scene from Macbeth so we made it into a comedy. It is still hilarious.

I will have to keep this window open today so I can read it during breaks XD

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 03:19 pm (UTC)
ext_14182: (Random - Pixy Stix [aka crack])
From: [identity profile] reservoir.livejournal.com
Yeah, a lot of shit was improvised because we were all high that day :< On...life :< or SlimFast or something >:

Yes the joke was that I passed out and that I spent the budget on slimfast and cough syrup :< or something :< rofl


Nobody even laughed during the thing, lol :(

OH GOD and we had Kat talking to Nadia about the Summer Olympics :< And she did the monkey to Mmmbop on the DVD menu ohhhhhhhhh my god, rofl

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 03:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aegeus.livejournal.com
Our friends laughed when we showed it to them later. THEY UNDERSTOOD.

And so did Nadia Ms. Walsh. SO WE WIN.

Wasn't the hedgehog beanie baby defiling your corpse or something? Om nom nom.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 03:23 pm (UTC)
ext_14182: (WoW - Chlorr [evil never looked so good])
From: [identity profile] reservoir.livejournal.com
:( My poor boobies, raped by a hedgehog

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 03:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chibikaijuu.livejournal.com
*I* was high on Dayquil, which was totally legit. I don't know about *you* freaks.

And Walker laughed. And Nadia. But the whole cricket-chirp ambiance fromt he rest of the classroom was, um, unsettling.

BUT WE GOT FULL POINTS. So they can suck it.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-15 12:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] white-howler.livejournal.com
dear god, I had almost forgotten...
yeah nobody laughed, assholes.

still, lollerskates

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 03:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chinawolf.livejournal.com
Woohoo for finishing, CONGRATULATIONS!!! Good Luck with the exams!

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 03:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aegeus.livejournal.com
Thanks babe! Unfortunately my exams are mostly the weekend you are in London so I won't get to see you. : /

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 03:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chinawolf.livejournal.com
They make you do exams on the weekend? What kind of barbarism is this?! Also, that's too bad. Are you staying on these shores, at least, or are you off to the shiny country in teh west? <3

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 03:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aegeus.livejournal.com
Shiny country in the west? I CAN GO TO VALINOR?!?!???? >.>

Yeah, I have exams next Thursday, that Saturday and then BANK HOLIDAY Monday. It's fucked up. :<

I'm going to try to stay here if at all possible.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 03:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chibikaijuu.livejournal.com
One of the improvised jokes revolved around the fact that I can't do a Valley Girl accent to save my life, so Jane had to counter accusing looks with "Northern California, DUH!".

And then there was the general fucking around - I think the "blooper reel" was longer than the actual scene. Though I don't think there's any footage of me eating one of your breasts (it is not my fault that the only things to eat at Kat's house were cans of Slim Fast (of which, IIRC, you drank seven) and the apples we stuffed into Kat's bra to make Heci's boobs).

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 03:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aegeus.livejournal.com
Yeah, that's the only specific joke I remember that's not in this version of the script, but I think there were others.

Nom nom boob apple.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 03:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chibikaijuu.livejournal.com
I also vaguely recall something about the hedgehog being carried on her head and dropping into the pot? (And the fact that the way we'd positioned the mic meant that everything we threw in made a huge THUNK.)

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 03:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aegeus.livejournal.com
Yeah, there was something with the mic flipping out. I don't have a file copy of the finished thing anymore. I think I might have the physical DVD somewhere at home in the US, but not that I can get at right now obviously.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 03:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ungemmed.livejournal.com
AHAHA. Oh, nostalgia. (Or something xD).

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 04:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rosegurl.livejournal.com
omg you guys

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 08:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] endlessdan.livejournal.com
Even I remember this.

If I recall, there was a very well-timed star effect gag that somehow landed exactly where Lowell was looking. We were all impressed.

Scary times, for everybody.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-14 09:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aegeus.livejournal.com
That was completely unintended. XD I like, put the stars in and only later noticed that I tracked with them. It was v perfect.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-05-15 12:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] white-howler.livejournal.com
I had almost sucessfully pushed this out of my brain, as I had forgotten how full of WIN it was!

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